Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
