so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
