i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
