At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
