Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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