Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
