Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
