Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
