i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
