I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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