WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
