Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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