life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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