I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
