Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
