The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
