jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
