not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
