Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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