He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
