Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
did i just pee glitter
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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