i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
