His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
