I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
