i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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