that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
