i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
