Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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