This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
