i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
