you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
