dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
