He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
