I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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