dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
