they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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