Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
