turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
