I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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