She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
