i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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