So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
