yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
