Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
