Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
