My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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