it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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