u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have post one night stand depression
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