All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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