girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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