you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
