I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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