my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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