Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
