Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
