girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
