Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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