Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
