Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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