so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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