dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
tell me about the eggs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
