Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
