I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
