the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were trust falling into bushes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
