can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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