yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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