ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
