I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
