your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
